a look into the unknown

love it!

amusing

stole this from some espn.com column. thought it was amusing.

Q: What do you think would be the most awkward but (somewhat) realistic casting for a romantic comedy? I’m going with Maggie and Jake Gyllenhaal.
— Matan B., Riverside

SG: After consulting with the Mailbag Committee, my rankings look like this …

7. Mike Tyson and Robin Givens.

6. Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston; Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez (tie).

5. Jack Nicholson and Megan Fox.

4. Chris Brown and Rihanna. Sorry. But it would be remarkably awkward.

3. The Gyllenhaals. I like this idea because, once and for all, it would take the whole “Look, I am an actor and even though I am passionately making out with my same-sex co-star right now, it’s only because I am playing a role and not feeling any actual passion” concept to another level. Let’s say you wrote an amazing script called “Adopted By Love,” in which two people were engaged but didn’t realize that the girlfriend was given up for adoption as a baby by the parents of the boyfriend. And let’s say you offered the Gyllenhalls $60 million combined to play the lead roles and even make out a few times. If actors are always “acting” — like Jake did with Heath Ledger in “Brokeback Mountain” — then how is this different? You’re an actor! Would I want to see this? Of course not. I’d throw up. But still, it’s acting!

2. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes.

1. A romantic comedy where John Stamos falls in love with two twins at the same time, neither of whom knows the other likes Stamos … and the twins are played by Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. Name me anyone who has ever seen “Full House” that wouldn’t be cringing. I can’t handle it. Let’s just move on, my skin is crawling. You know this would be traumatic since I’d rather see the Gyllenhaals make out.

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pretty genius. i wonder who discovered this?

haha seems like some really angry fat guy thought “fricken boness! theres gotta be a better way!!” and after resorting to eating the chicken and the bones all together, got a piece of bone lodged in his throat and went to the emergency room and almost died and then decided “hmm lemme think about this a little… wait…. this bone and this bone and OMG!! I DID IT!!! NOTHING CAN STOP ME NOW!!” and voila! thank you sir.

whos down to devour a bucket with me?

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WARNING: click at your own risk! may result in a range of feelings from extreme revulsion/self-induced vomiting to.. well i guess thats it.

just getting in touch with my “culture?” its always interesting to see/hear the influences of western and american culture on the asian entertainment.

hmm it just feels like theres something inherently wrong about a guy watching these boy bands and not immediately grabbing the nearest blunt object and repeatedly bashing himself in the head in hopes of erasing those 4 minutes from his memory.

but then again, i know deep down i wish i could be as cool as any one of these guys. i could ask for nothing more than to dance and sing in the rain and feel myself up while pouring out my anguish with my brothers. all while dressed in hip clothes complete with tilted hat and having awesome cars to share in my pain. its better than bottling up the ache and the pain right?

COME BACK GIRL, HOW COULD I HAVE EVER LET YOU GO!!

ilovebigbang♥

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aw that sucks

well i had a long rant of a post pretty much all typed up and i thought i saved it but it looks like its lost. that was probably the rawest look into an angry me. it would have shown my vulnerability, shown my humanness, and i thought it was pretty funny. but what i was feeling then just can’t be recreated. i know, im kinda sad too. (dont worry it wasnt that great. it was just about my chem lab..)

so instead, ill just continue to be this innocent kid who doesnt shift or change in the slightest at anything. my reputation is yet untainted. so sad. why does it matter? why do i have to strive for perfection? i really dont understand yet it eats at me from within. i feel like i cant leave any opening of vulnerability. only controlled vulnerability that showcases how i “dont care what people think about me.”(what a lie)

and im good at it

i balance a set of “hey look at me i can do this and this and im cool like that” with a “oh its no big deal. dont worry about it.” it may look like humility, but its really just me once again showcasing my ability, in this case, for humility. a man of little words observes at every moment. so i know what people like to see and what ticks people off, so i appeal to the best of the former and avoid the worst of the latter. and ive become so used to it that it just happens naturally.

i only mention all this because i hate it. i want to expose the worst of myself so that it wont control me. im not sure how true this all is, and the worst part is that if i say it, it wont be that big a deal and ill get off scott free. im some kind of passive manipulator desiring acceptance from everybody. break me!

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always a good read

so profound and true.. i think..

The Bible does not say that God punished the human race for one man’s sin, but that the nature of sin, namely, my claim to my right to myself, entered into the human race through one man. But it also says that another Man took upon Himself the sin of the human race and put it away— an infinitely more profound revelation (see Hebrews 9:26 ). The nature of sin is not immorality and wrongdoing, but the nature of self-realization which leads us to say, “I am my own god.” This nature may exhibit itself in proper morality or in improper immorality, but it always has a common basis— my claim to my right to myself. When our Lord faced either people with all the forces of evil in them, or people who were clean-living, moral, and upright, He paid no attention to the moral degradation of one, nor any attention to the moral attainment of the other. He looked at something we do not see, namely, the nature of man (see John 2:25 ).

Sin is something I am born with and cannot touch— only God touches sin through redemption. It is through the Cross of Christ that God redeemed the entire human race from the possibility of damnation through the heredity of sin. God nowhere holds a person responsible for having the heredity of sin, and does not condemn anyone because of it. Condemnation comes when I realize that Jesus Christ came to deliver me from this heredity of sin, and yet I refuse to let Him do so. From that moment I begin to get the seal of damnation. “This is the condemnation [and the critical moment], that the light has come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light … ” ( John 3:19 ).

-Oswald Chambers

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ill try

so i cant even begin to write a real post. the convo before gives a look into some of my internal struggles of this summer. all i can say is that satan really does all he can to bring us down. why is it so difficult to abide and trust in Him..

snippet of oswald!

Repentance does not cause a sense of sin— it causes a sense of inexpressible unworthiness. When I repent, I realize that I am absolutely helpless, and I know that through and through I am not worthy even to carry His sandals. Have I repented like that, or do I have a lingering thought of possibly trying to defend my actions? The reason God cannot come into my life is that I am not at the point of complete repentance.

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taste of the turmoil

me: but there were a lot of internal struggles
for me through some of syria and the rest of summer
so i dont know if the things i did had that much of a direct impact on me as of now
dunno how to say
but ive been sharing this a lot but
ive been feeling like almost depressed and sort of lost and frustrated mostly spiritually
Jason: wow, that is tough
would you say that started after you got back, or you left for Syria?
*before you left for Syria
me: mm
i feel like it sort of started halfway through syria and got worse after getting back
but i felt a little bit like that during the end of last quarter i think
i think the worst was the 2 weeks i spent in kansas
the beginning part of that
Jason: if you don't mind me asking, do you have an idea of what may have started things in Kansas?
me: well im not too sure and i tried talking with some people but lets see
first off i just wasnt "in the mood" and just kinda didnt feel like i could engage
in what we were doing and i didnt really know why
and i didnt feel like even meeting people and talking to people
so i spent a lot of time in my room
um we had a lot of times of just like waiting, listening, imagining God and i guess i sorta got frustrated with that
many little things made me realize that i felt like i was detached from my emotions
and i felt like thats really important in my relationship with God to know His love and receive it
but i felt like i didnt even know what that really means and i guess it seems that others experience it and know it in such a real way
but thats kinda just things i was thinking at the time
i think a big part was me questioning myself and wondering where i am with God
and feeling a lack of identity
like not wanting to feel like im faking anything or forcing anything
but let things come from an overflow sort of
like i was talking with someone once and i said i felt like ive lived in obedience to God for most of my life and not often really knowing God
and i guess God honors that but ive felt like it is soo important to build that relationship but i dont know
Jason: those are some deep thoughts
me: and i came to a point to accept that its ultimately not in my control and giving it to God and looking to God to do His work, but its difficult
and i dont know if ive been even making an effort to come to Him these days
i guess just for a long time ive struggled with whether to cut off all my commitments/obligations and focus on my intimate time with God or to let God work through those things
and i feel like more than ever that God's calling me to the secret place, but im sorta afraid if i will really experience Him and know He is there, maybe
Jason: this may sound silly, but have you gotten rest lately?
and not just doing nothing sort of rest, but rest where you're able to sit back and seek God
me: ive wanted to, but like i said i guess ive felt unable to
even in times ive tried to sit before God i think i think too much or expect something so limiting or something
Jason: yeah, I've been there before
in those times, I just turn to the psalms and start reading until something catches my eye
I'm trying to find some notes I took a few years back
but the topic was on deserts and God
me: cool
yeah i know one thing is definitely that i havent been spending time in the word
Jason: kind of like when Israel was wandering through the desert for 40 years
they knew God was there, but they couldn't see it most of the time
but it's through those times that God seems far, that He's doing something in and with your life
me: yeah
i guess i feel like im almost doing something wrong or i gotta do something to get out of this place
Jason: the Word's definitely a good place to start
honestly, I'm surprised what sticks out to me when I read sometimes
I'll definitely be praying for you
me: yeah thanks

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“ If you don’t know where you are going, any road will get you there.

—

Lewis Carroll (via suzywire)

dont know if this is wise to live by, but i think its how i live haha

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AHHHHHHH!

thats a scream not a sigh

i just wanna release all my frustration and blah in my heart and life. how do i move from wanting to do things to actually doing? from desire to action. does it come from a weak body/will, lack of discipline, or lack of true desire? is it the whole “my heart says yes but my mind says no?(if thats even right) and i get frustrated at myself.

i want God but do i really want God? Jesus I believe, but help my unbelief.

all He wants is my weak, broken love. it doesn’t matter how fiery i am or how much i feel like i want it or how much i do or show. it only matters that whatever it is, it goes to Him. i think thats the difference between a “good” christian and a “im not ready” christian. it isnt about having the most knowlege, about doing the most things, saying the right things, being the right person. the “good” christian is just as lost and struggling and broken and weak and seemingly hopeless, but he knows it and gives this life to God exactly as it is. we often want to get our act together first. make our lives better and right before God and then give it to Him. as if we have the power to fix ourselves. as if we smell any better once we spray 20 bottles of axe on the poop that we are. only God can fix us, redeem us, free us. only God can make us that sweet sweet fragrance. only He can makes us not poop.

its about realizing the power of the cross. the once and for all sacrifice. that nothing we can do will bring us any closer or any farther from God’s love. He loves you in your weakness and brokenness. He is loving you right now. the question is if you want to receive it. are you willing to let God love you? can you be humble enough to say “i can’t do this. nothing of my own strength can acheive anything. i will never be enough?” can you let your salvation be in the hands of God and not your own? let all your shame, sins, mistakes be cleaned and forgotten without doing anything in return? it doesnt make sense. and its soo much easier but still so hard. we cant seem to allow someone to do EVERYTHING for us. we have the mindset of “well this is my life, i can take care of myself.” and we even feel like we need to do something, ever so small, first, to DESERVE God’s love. we’ll never deserve God’s love. but thats not the point. He loves you NOW. He loves you more than you can imagine. it must hurt Him when he wants to love us and embrace us and kiss us while we run around preoccupied with looking and asking and doing. we simply need to receive.

its God’s grace, i feel, that brings us from a moment of complete frustration and spiritual dryness to a feeling of hope and life and victory within a minute. even as i write this post, i am reminded of these truths and feel a sense of breakthrough. praise God!

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