a look into the unknown

its been “hella” long since i last wrote or even had thoughts ive wanted to put down.

i seem to often jealously look back on things ive written in the past and wonder where that person went. right now i feel like i have nothing to say, when i remember last year there were times when so many thoughts were fighting each other to win the battle in my mind.

i wonder how blind i am to the things God does in my life and in the ways he tugs at my heart and leads me. its so encouraging when i realize that certain truths a pastor speaks almost directly relates to things that God’s been teaching me, whether i initially see it or not. the conditions in my life push me into a certain position and i settle into some frame of mind about my life, one im not entirely sure about but decide to stand by temporarily, and then some external source brings a touch of confirmation. i feel like im being broken down and rebuilt, but im not doing the work nor am i even concious of it. from what i see, nothing is happening, yet i feel there is something changing.

im thinking i might wanna set a regular schedule to update this thing (new years resolution?), but thats not really my style.. we’ll see.